If any of you have been following this since long ago or have been paging though the archives you’ve probably seen me ponder this before.
Should I continue to be/try to be an artist?
I’m not just trying to black bag myself/dreams/aspirations. I was talking with my roommate about art stuff and he commented (and I’ve questioned myself on this issue before) that I really don’t seem to enjoy doing art. I can’t in good If any of you have been following this since long ago or have been paging though the archives you’ve probably seen me ponder this before.
Should I continue to be/try to be an artist?
I’m not just trying to black bag myself/dreams/aspirations. I was talking with my roommate about art stuff and he commented (and I’ve questioned myself on this issue before) that I really don’t seem to enjoy doing art. I can’t in good conscience deny this. I can draw well, people have told me this on several occasions deny this. I can draw fairly well, people have told me this on several occasions that I have talent. But is that enough? Do I actually enjoy this? I like it better than math … but that’s not saying very much. Do I actually want to do this as a career? Will I want to be doing this in 20 years? I’ve spent countless hours and dollars on learning how to paint and draw, have they been for nothing?
I know this is not the time for self doubt but I don’t know of a better time to be thoughtful. I have things I want to accomplish in my life, but honestly have no idea how to get there. And even if I did get there what would I get for it? Would I actually want to be there? I know one place where I want to be without question. But I cannot get there without achieving some sort of financial solvency first. But I don’t want to be working for a paycheck, no matter how nice, it’s not worth it if I’m basically dead inside. But would it really be much different than I am right now? Am I alive? Am I moving? Am I getting forward? Or have I turned one more pass in this groove in the floor.
The only way out of the groove in the floor is to step out but will I actually be out of the groove? Or will l just make a new one outside of that one or go in the opposite direction?
So many questions. So little time. So little brain power to devote to them.
Should I just try it? Who knows. Can it be worse than not trying? I … guess? Failure really isn’t an option right now. I have too much ahead of me to face plant now. I may end up having to be a ‘bone machine’ for a little while till I can get this worked out. Though being a ‘bone machine’ will not give me the time to work this out which will make it a rut and &((*%%%(*&^$&(*&%(#%#_ I’m going around it again. Meh … figure it out when I wake up.
A Geekish View of Life 
I love you, darling.
“I’ve spent countless hours and dollars on learning how to paint and draw, have they been for nothing?”
Dude, wake up, you got Elaine out of it, if nothing else. What more could you hope for? No painting class = no Elaine.
First start with the question “what can I see myself doing for decades?” and work up from there – don’t figure in money, education, or any detail like that, just find a picture before you look for a focal point. If it isn’t art, see if you can find out how art plays into the plan that God has for you, cuz I bet it was anything but “for nothing” – but that is another post comment entirely.
I have some news of a sort about this … but I have not really anything solid yet so I’m sorta sitting on it for now. Thanks for your concern.